Townie Talk Farewell…
This will be the final edition of Townie Talk. To my shock and awe a progressive activist put up the $1.7m to buy me out of Belmont. Yes, they overpaid but it was the same price per square foot as the new Library so I couldn’t say No and kept my word. No, we won’t be exposing alleged affairs, hidden slush funds, audit fears or missing funds in this our final edition but we will entertain and educate like no other in Town can. Enjoy and Farewell Belmont.
Last week’s Trivia
Matt Christiansen was Belmont’s elite hoopster. His cousin was Greg Kite (Former Celtic).
The year was 1993.
Zoning Board news…
Zoning Board legends Nick “The Center” Iannuzzi and Jim “Belmont Jimmy” Zarkadas announced their resignations from the zoning board effective this year. Townie Talk has learned Iannuzzi and Zarkadas have joined forces and will be opening “Bourbon and Gumbo” a New Orleans themed restaurant. Good Luck to the Lads.
Celebrity Sighting…
If you thought, you saw Taylor Swift in Belmont last week then you have good eyesight. Realtor Owen Toland confirmed the Singer/Songwriter is closing on a property in the Wellington area of Belmont. Townie Talk can also confirm a buyer is interested in converting the Belmont United Methodist Church into a sound studio. Makes you wonder.
Benton for sale…
A new warrant article proposes to sell the Benton Library with a preservation rider. Estimated sale price is $1.3m. Funds would go to the general fund.
Library User fee…
The second and long overdue warrant article is a proposed user fee for the Belmont Public Library like user fees for the Rink, Pool and Adult Education. The proposal is $150 annual per individual or $300 annual per family. The funds would be used to offset the libraries operating costs and save the Town a couple million.
Jeopardy Winner?…
If you were wondering where Townie Kelly Flavin was last August… the answer is in a California studio competing on Jeopardy. You can see Kelly in episodes starting with the March 14th broadcast. Townie Talk has been sworn to secrecy, but we hear Kelly did amazing and was even being considered to take over hosting duties.
Right place right time…
When Master plumber, Patrick Young, was fishing at his favorite spot at Claypit pond last Tuesday, he thought he caught the fish of a lifetime. Turns out he snagged a rock and, in the process, dislocated his shoulder and sprained his ankle. In serious pain, and unable to make it back up the hill to his Truck, Young worried this may be the end as day became night and temperatures dropped. Next thing, Young recalls the sky lighting up red and this hulking human asking if he was OK and did he need any help. The man, former library trustee Matt Sullivan picked up Young and carried him to his Truck. He then drove Young to Mount Auburn where Pat was treated and released. Doctor’s credited the red headed boy wonder with saving the salty old fisherman’s life. Kudos to Sully who risked further injury to his pinkie during the rescue.
Public Service Notice…
Don’t eat the fish at Claypit. Don’t swim at Claypit. Don’t dump bodies in Claypit.
Bocce in Belmont…
Belmont residents Alex Corbett and Frank French Jr. went before the Select Board Monday seeking $750,000 to build professional grade Bocce courts on the green in front of the Underwood Pool. The SB appeared receptive to the idea and are looking to have the Rec Department create leagues. Rec spokesperson David Kane was unaware of the proposal or for that matter even that Bocce was a sport. Kane off the record said he was still trying to understand the term “pickle ball” and wishes Belmont would return to the simple days of “knock hockey”.
Higginbottom issues…
Just in time for St Patrick’s Day, a chemical mix up at the Higginbottom pool resulted in Swimmer’s developing green spots on their suits and skin. Terrified swimmers can relax as the chemical reaction responsible for the dis-coloration is temporary and can be passed off as pre-gaming for the holiday. Asked about the issue, Rec Spokesman David Kane, responded with the comment… this is an unpaid position and stop calling me.
More BHS nonsense…
After complaints that urinals in the “Boys room” were biological bias, the building committee instructed custodial staff to cover the urinals up until such time as they could be removed or urinals could be added in the “girls room” for equity. A custodian remarked off the record that BHS student’s need to work better on their aim.
Belmont Police Log…
BPD were called to the Belmont Public Library regarding a disturbance at the first “Putt and Pint” event. A man reported that while preparing to putt on the 3rd hole in the Children’s room another man interrupted his line of sight. The putt sailed left and led to a verbal confrontation in which the offender called the putter the “b” word. Social workers were called in to counsel bystanders. The Detective only identified as “Regs” was unable to find a statute identifying the use of “bougie” as a hate crime and escorted the offender outside the building. While this was going on… Former Library Trustee Sullivan, holder of a perfect score in Mini golf, had to withdraw from the match citing a paper cut suffered earlier in the month. TT has filed a FOIA for video of the incident.
BPD were also called to Star Market for another disturbance. An elderly man was ordering cheese at the deli counter when he told the deli manager in an elevated voice he wanted “White American”. The remark was overheard by a female shopper who immediately called 911 to report a hate crime in progress. Upon arrival, officers confronted the man about his comment. When officers approached the female and tried to explain the man was just ordering cheese… the women fled to a nearby Prius with a bag of cat litter and a pack of “Star-Kist” tuna albacore solid white. In the process of fleeing one of the two face masks the women was wearing fell off. Police did not cite her for littering.
Tom Petty tribute…
Belmont Townie Karl Ivester has started a petition to rename the BHSMS after legendary deceased musician Tom Petty. When told the name has already been settled on, Ivester said “No, I won’t back down. You could stand me up at the gates of Hell. But I won’t back down”.
Did you know…
In San Francisco, the city has a “poop patrol” armed with a commercial grade steam cleaner. Average pay is $85,000 plus benefits. Did I mention it’s for cleaning human feces off the sidewalks… Mayor Wu please take notice.
Facebook…
If you don’t copy and paste the following in your timeline by Friday March 17th, Facebook may use your images in Pepto Bismol commercials.
“Townie Talk is the best thing going for Belmont… walks the line between genius and insane.”
Said every BelmontBriefing.com subscriber.
In conclusion….
If you have read this far and you haven’t figured out all of this is an early April Fool’s edition (except for the trivia answers) …. then you have been pranked worse than the quarterly tax bill you get from the Town treasurer. I mean really a “progressive” spending their own money? Hope this added some joy to your day.
I’ll be back with the upcoming election issue March 25th including how I plan to vote. I will also cover the 3 “School Superintendent finalists” who make Phelan look like Rush Limbaugh and the Silicon Valley Bank collapse impact on Belmont.
Please remember that the BHS PAC is putting on the musical “Mean Girls” at BHS March 16th-18th at 7pm with a matinee at 2pm on the 18th. Tickets can be secured at www.bhs-pac.org. The kids put a ton of effort in and for the $10-$15 a ticket price it’s a rare bargain in Belmont. Tickets go quick.
To those who share my Irish heritage I recommend the Smithwick’s….Slainte.
Cheers,
PJ Looney
Townie Talk April Fools Edition
AMDG